


A Very Good Turian (Garrus Vakarian)

by sbulls



Series: Mass Effect - Era of the Bull [1]
Category: Commander Shepard - Fandom, Garrus Vakarian - Fandom, Mass Effect, Mass Effect 1 - Fandom, Mass Effect 2 - Fandom, Mass Effect 3 - Fandom, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Multiple Timelines, paragon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbulls/pseuds/sbulls
Summary: Taurus Shepard  was raised on Mindoir. When she was sixteen, the colony was raided by slavers, and her friends and family were slaughtered. A passing Alliance patrol rescued her, but all she loved was destroyed.She enlisted with the Alliance military, eventually volunteering to go to Akuze. As soon as they arrived, her patrol was attacked by thresher maws.Fifty marines died on Akuze; she was the only one to make it back to the landing zone. A monument on the planet commemorates the massacre, a from reminder of the price humanity must pay as they spread throughout the universe.-This is a collection of pieces of a Garrus Vakarian love story. They may not be in order, but they usually all connect.





	1. Welcome Aboard

"Time we paid Fist a visit," the commander cracked her knuckles, not about to let any chance of evidence against Saren slip from her fingers. Vakarian could see the ferocity in her eyes, the anger at the council for being so shortsighted, the hunger for justice, and he made a decision right then and there.

"This is your show, Shepard," he teetered on his feet before realizing confidence was a better way to get what he wanted with a human like her. He stood taller. "But I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you."

And he held his breath, not sure how she would react. He examined the scar reaching across her face. Her emerald eyes glanced him up and down, getting a read on him, he assumed as that was what he was doing. She had high cheekbones and a strong brow line. Her full lips were set in a firm line, the bottom one split with a red scar where she must've recently taken a hit. She liked to get up close and personal in a fight. Her skin was pale with freckles spread under her eyes and over her bent, crooked nose, and he vaguely wondered how many times it had been broken.

And unlike most human females, she had no hair on the top of her head. She chose to not let it grow out just to pull it out of her face during combat. Garrus hoped she was more than just different on the outside. Her reputation talked her up as being a woman of action, fierce and aggressive in her presence, and quick to pull a trigger when her buttons were pushed. Hopefully, she'd prove that notoriety true.

And maybe it was simply her generosity, or how obvious it was that Garrus really did want to help take down that traitor, but she chose to not even question why.

"Welcome aboard, Vakarian," she nodded. And he was very eager to begin working with her. From day one at C-Sec, he was held back from making the tough -but necessary - calls when it came to apprehending suspects. Yet from the moment he met Shepard, she appeared to exude haste and action, and she did nothing but encourage his investigation and desire to do what it takes. He knew the moment he met her, his life was about to travel down a completely different path.


	2. Eye for an Eye Just Makes the World Blind

Garrus leaned over his console, gripping the edges. He was still fuming a little bit. He couldn't believe he just let Sidnois walk away- WITHOUT a bullet in his head! That son of a bitch owed Garrus blood, and he'd been thinking about that moment for so long... How did he just let that happen? Shepard... She always knew what to say to make a situation go the way she wanted it to. And she knew how to get to Garrus; something he realized a few weeks into his time on the SR-1. He found her very curious, always visiting him down in then cargo hold, asking him about his time at C-Sec, about his family. She even helped him finally take down Dr. Saleon. Dr. Saleon! She encouraged Garrus to kill that sick bastard! She was outraged to find out he never got the chance to do it in the first place!

Yet, she talked him down, and convinced him to let Sidonis go... Why?

In his mind, Shepard was always a woman of action. She brought justice upon every guilty soul along the way to her main mission. Not once during their jounrey across the galaxy to find Saren did he think she was growing soft, in fact he found her almost brute-ish, and maybe a little hot-headed, like him. What exactly changed? Other than...dying and coming back to life...

When he thought Shepard was dead, he honored her memory and praised her for the things she taught him. Like closure. True commitment to get things done. Loyalty. Friendship. She taught him so much, and really refueled his desire to serve people. Bravely, honestly, and with integrity. But..maybe there was more to that human commander than he initially thought.

The door behind him chimed open. Who else would it be besides... "Shepard."

"Hey..Garrus," she started hesitantly. "I can come back later if you need some time..."

"No, Shepard, come in," Garrus held his hand over the manual override, waiting for her to step inside, and he closed the door behind her. "I'd like to to talk with you."

"Good," she nodded, clasping her wrist behind her back. "I thought you would be unhappy with me, and that we should discuss it."

"The only time I was ever unhappy with you, Shepard, was when you died," Garrus denied. "I think if I really felt killing Sidonis was the right thing to do, I wouldn't have let you talk me out of it."

"I was serious, Garrus," she stepped forward, "You're not the same man I met on the Citadel. But perhaps I'm not the same woman either... I guess a lot can happen in two years."

Garrus looked down at the console. She was right. He was a different person. She met a fed up C-Sec officer, feeling down on his luck, experiencing blocks and red tape in every investigation. She met a man eager to experience more, and see the way justice was supposed to be dealt. But when she met Archangel, she met a man who had experienced a lot of loss. He accomplished great things, there was no doubt about that. But losing every good person in his squad hardened him. It sent him into a blind rage, on a search for revenge. Maybe she wasn't trying to keep him from his vengange, she was just trying to open his eyes again.

"Yes," Garrus agreed. "The world outside C-Sec, the real world, taught me a lot. I learned that there are a lot of good people out there, and they just want to live their lives happy and free. But I also found out there are a lot more bad people than I was once lead to believe. And I can only do so much."

"As a C-Sec officer- as a turian," she corrected, "You know there's no chance for one man to save everyone."

"But you've done so much to prove just the opposite to me," he argued. "You. One woman. You unite people around yourself for great causes, you save so many lives you don't even know."

"And you've done the same."

"Only because I've been practicing what you taught me, Shepard." The commander bit her bottom lip with a small smile. On the SR-1, the turian watched her do that very same thing quite a few times. It appeared to only happen with him. When he observed her talking with others, she never did it.

Garrus assumed it was a sign of amusement as he found her easy to talk to, and open to a bit of humor. For a moment, he wondered if it was some kind of human signal she was attracted to him, but he never thought about it again, never considering it to be true or possible.

"I can't take that credit," Shepard denied. "I got you away from C-Sec. You did the rest." She let out a soft laugh. "You've always put yourself down, but, Garrus, you're one of the best damn soldiers I've ever had the honor of fighting alongside. You are real leader material." That had to be the most kind thing anyone ever said about him. "And you're my best friend, so I'd know." She crossed her arms with a confident smile, saying that her words couldn't be challenged.

And Garrus laughed too, feeling the ease of their friendship coming back around. He couldn't help but agree. She was truly his best friend too. He would follow her through hell, even if there was no way back.

"I didn't want to force you into a decision you'd be unhappy with," she continued. "In fact, I was trying to keep you from doing something you'd ultimately regret. Besides, Sidonis is a dead man walking."

“I wasn’t so sure at first, but now I think you’re right.”

“And that ‘eye for an eye’ saying humans have,” she added, “Well, we have another one too. ‘An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.’ At least, my mom used to tell me that, don’t know if it’s really a saying. But that just..shaped me as a person, when she first told me that. I think it holds a lot of truth.”

He stared into her bright green eyes as a smile spread across her face again. Of course, she was right. He hadn’t heard anyone say it quite like that before, revenge growing this sort of vicious cycle of vengeance constantly being sought after. Garrus let out a breath, realizing the calm he felt when she was around. It was genuinely so good to have her back. The universe never felt the death of one person so harshly before. “Thank you, Shepard. I’ll remember that.”

"We've known each other more than two years, Vakarian," the commander pointed out. "You ever going to address me as more than 'Commander Shepard'?"

He stammered. "Uh, then I'd like to say, I'm really glad you're back, Taurus."  It had been such a long time since she told him her name on the SR-1. He'd only said it the one time before now. Not that it was taboo, but she was Commander Shepard. Not addressing her that way seemed disrespectful.

But she smiled wider in response to this, and nodded, backing out. "Me too, Garrus." And she turned to leave. "I'll catch you later."


	3. Dirty and Clinical

"Shepard, need me for something?" Yes, she though to herself, I really do.

She smiled and crossed her arms, hoping he would understand her try at a little humor, "Depends. Have you got a couple...hours?"

And at first Garrus just blinked, but he didn't react at all until he remotely closed the door behind her from his console. "Yeah..." And Shepard didn't like that tone. "I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension. I've never considered cross-species intercourse... and damn, saying it that way doesn't help. Now I feel dirty and clinical."

Shepard hadn't considered it either, until right before they got to Ilos. She sat in her quarters and wondered, since it was honestly the most important mission she'd ever gone on and she thought she might not survive it, if she had missed out on a lot of opportunities. She'd made a beautifully decorated career for herself in the military, but that was all she ever focused on. In fact, she never cared to focus on a relationship before...until Garrus joined the crew.

And Shepard is no xenophobe, but when she caught herself finding a turian attractive, she was more than a little shocked. She only knew a human touch. She didn't even know anything about romantic turian customs, or how they mated, but she wasn't concerned about that as much she was with falling in love with him.

But Ilos wasn't the time to bring it up. He'd become her best friend on that mission, for sure, but it was still a fresh bond. She knew they'd have to spend more time getting to know each other before they got to a place where the romance was a little more organic and not so "Well, you're here." But they ran out of time when the Collectors attacked.

And when she found him on Omega, that's when her heart really came alive. The Lazarus Project was nothing compared to the jump start jolt her heart got when Archangel took off the helmet.

"A-are we crazy to even be thinking about this?" He began pacing. "I'm not... Look, Shepard..." He came to a stop before her. "I know you can find something a little closer to home."

Shepard dropped her arms, feeling less confident about how this would turn out. But she didn't want to give up on him so easy. If he only knew how disappointed she was when the Illusive Man told her he couldn't even track Garrus' whereabouts. Aside from the genuine feelings she had for him, he was her best friend. They were a recognizably great team, and she didn't want to throw that away just because of being scared of their differences.

"I don't want something closer to home," Shepard shook her head. "I want you, Garrus. I want someone I know I can trust. That's been you from the beginning."

Garrus looked relieved to hear her say that, but still nearly too nervous to be as suave as he claimed to be. "I can do that. I'll find some music.. and do some research to figure out how this should work. It'll either be a night to treasure, or a horrible interspecies-awkwardness thing." There was a short pause between them as Garrus thought of another point. "In which case, fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction. So, you know. A win, either way."

Shepard smiled at the way Garrus appeared to feel more at ease talking about this. She reached out to touch his shoulder, testing the water. "Y'know, Garrus, if you're not comfortable with this, it's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you."

"Shepard," he shook his head, a laugh in the back of his throat, "you're about the only friend I've got left in this screwed up galaxy. I'm not going to pretend I've got a fetish for humans..." He glanced down her body as she ran her fingers down his arm. "But this isn't about that. This is about us."

Shepard smiled because that was exactly it. She just didn't have the right words to say it. He took he words right out of her mouth, and she found even greater comfort in the situation. It wasn't that she was falling for him because he was a turian. She was attracted to Garrus, her best friend, the man who wouldn't be slowed by a rocket to the face.

However, it wasn't like she fancied him in spite of him being turian. She hadn't been looking for an alien or a human, but she was looking for the right person. The species was not what she was after; she could have found any human by now, man or woman, who would find her attractive, and appreciate her because of her accomplishments, but after Mindoir, she never really knew anyone she could call her best friend. That changed only when Garrus joined her team.

"You don't ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable." He looked down at her fingers, dancing along his hand like she wanted to hold it, but didn't want to push his limits. "Nervous, yes.." he laughed, "..but never uncomfortable."

"Well, great," she clasped her hands behind her back, trying to make them behave, "So when should I book the room?"

"I'd wait, if you're okay with it. Disrupt the crew as little as possible...and take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm..." And Shepard remembered Ilos, and how much she would've appreciated having someone there with her.

"I think that's a perfect plan."

"Well, you know me. I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink." Shepard couldn't stop the smirk from creeping across her lips, however did resist the urge to laugh.

Garrus straightened up, eyes widening. "Wait, that metaphor just went somewhere horrible."

Shepard decided to give him a break, and started backing out of the room. "I'll let you get back to work."

"Riiight," the turian growled, scratching his face, "'Cause I'm in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now." The commander just gave him a small wave before the door closed again.


	4. Calm Before the Storm

The shower was so nice. She couldn't remember how long it had been since her last one. She tried to take one every day, depending on the types of missions was going out on. But she could feel a lot of dirt on her scalp, and she even came across a couple scabs. She couldn't remember when that happened, but it'd be a waste of brainpower trying to think of the ONE hit that really did it. She remembered Garrus would be coming by, if he was still serious about the whole thing. He seemed a little on the fence the last time they spoke, and she worried that he might change his mind.

She chose to wear a dress because really, what else was there to wear? She wasn't putting on armor for battle, and she didn't want to wear her captain's uniform because she wasn't planning on acting as a captain.

And if she knew Garrus, she knew that when he set his mind to something, he gave a wholehearted follow though. She wanted to show him that she was serious about the intimacy, and she wasn't interested in just one simple night of sexual relief.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, she found the man of the hour standing just inside the door of her cabin, and wondered how long he'd been waiting.

"Hey," he greeted. "I brought wine, best I could afford on a vigilante's salary." That was more than she thought he'd bring. And he quickly stepped over to the media console on the wall, and he put on some music. It certainly wasn't Shepard's favorite track, but she had to smile at his attempts. She stepped closer with a hand on her hip. "If you were a turian, I'd be complimenting your waist, or you fringe, so... Your, um..hair looks..good, and your waist..is very supportive." After too long of a pause, with Shepard just enjoying watching the turian struggle to begin such an awkward moment, Garrus continued, even less confident, "Hopefully, that's not offensive in human culture.. Crap, I knew I should have-" And Shepard realized he was really tense and having a difficult time with this, so she stopped him.

"Whoa! Consider me seduced, smooth talker," she played, "Now, shut up, and stop worrying." She reached over and shut off the music track.

"I just..." He sighed, dropping his head. "I've seen so many things go wrong, Taurus. My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis... I want something to go right. Just once." And Shepard stepped closer to him. "Just..." She reached up and lightly touched the scars on his face, the bandage still very necessary. In response, Garrus tenderly grazed over the fresh red scar stretching across her hairline. She thought for a moment, how heartbroken she was as she stood in the briefing room with Taylor. It was such a bad hit. That rocket probably would have destroyed Shepard. It wasn't until he walked in, strutting like nothing even happened, and he simply went down for a nap... That was the moment it all became real for Shepard.

And maybe that was why he got so angry when she fainted. Maybe his affections for her became that much more clear, and perhaps he felt an obligation to look out for her well being, like she did with him.

If Garrus died that day on Omega, she would have been devastated. Sure, there were plenty of stars out there in the black galaxy, many lights out there to fight for, to keep alive and bright. But to lose Garrus. Two years left alone in the dark, to coincidentally happen upon Garrus Vakarian, the brightest, most loyal, most real light in her life...

That was when she knew she felt real, undeniable love for him. As he stood before her with fresh bandages, proving Taylor wrong. A bad hit? One little rocket was not putting down Garrus Vakarian so damn easy. He was up and ready for action before Shepard had let the severity of the injury really sink in. She knew that Vakarian was the proper and only choice for a best friend, even more, a partner. And she realized just how much it would kill her to see anything bad happen to him. Shepard never had more reason and more confidence to save the galaxy before now. As silly as that sounds... And maybe it was just a human thing, and maybe turians didn't feel a love like that, but that didn't matter to her. It was too late -two years too late- for her to realize just who the real people were that mattered to her.

All this thought and emotion wrestling around inside her. Maybe it was showing, if turians could read expressions well enough to recognize her subtle cues. Garrus dropped his head to her, and she leaned closer; their foreheads met.

She finally let herself breathe, tilting back to glance down at his clothes, thinking about the situation again. How nervous she was - how nervous they both were... Yet they seemed so perfect together in every way.

"Taurus," Garrus said softly, stroking her arm, getting a feel for her soft skin, and maybe getting a feel for saying her first name. She could've burst into tears with all this new emotion he was bringing to the surface. She kept it cool, only offering a wide smile and blushing cheeks. She wasn't sure who the last person was to call her by her first name. Or even when it was. But it was nice to hear it from Garrus.


	5. After Eletania

As Shepard walked through the bay, she was a little slumped over. Her eyes seemed sunken in slightly, and darker. She made the usual rounds. It was the same every time. She'd make a stop by our lockers to drop off special equipment she found for us. Admittedly, it seemed like she may have favored the krogan and myself as she always had an eye out for higher quality models for us. She took the two of us out most often, something everyone in the crew had mentioned once. Not to the commander's face, of course. The long-haired human, Ashley made a comment about the irony that Wrex and I had to spend so much time together, despite the on-going tension between our two species.

Honestly, I had my doubts. When the three of us were zoned in on Fist at the same time, it made sense to work together to put that bastard in his place. I never anticipated being a full-time partner to this krogan. I figured he would have unsavory feelings about me, and would want to ignore me anyways. I didn't mind keeping to the opposite side of the ship from him, but most days, I was simply standing on the opposite side of Shepard from him. We remained civil, absolutely. I'd never done anything personally to Wrex, nor he to me. And if there was any bickering between us, the commander would be sure to shut it down.

She seemed to favor unification, and showed disapproval for the Genophage upon finding out about that. Even when Tali told her about the quarians' culture, Shepard made a comment about finding the quarians' current predicament avoidable, and self-served. She was different. Open to every race and species. She was naive, certainly. Only about the culture of the last couple centuries of the galaxy around her, but that wasn't her fault. Human education had advanced from what it was a hundred years ago, but they were still discovering, still colonizing.

She did, however, learn quickly, and express a desire to learn more. Many still viewed the humans as too new and too young to have any understanding of how things work in this galaxy, or to bring any real contributions to share. Not yet matured.

But Shepard... She did something new everyday to convince me otherwise. The more time I spent aboard her ship and under her command, the more I became convinced she was born to thrust humanity into the forefront of this galactic age as a species that was willing to stand up for this whole galaxy, not just for themselves. Whether or not that was true, it didn't matter. Working with her really inspired great things within yourself.

She was unlike any person of any species I had ever met.

She'd visit Wrex after providing the equipment, and it appeared she had become surprisingly fast friends with the krogan. I went with them to retrieve his family armor. There wasn't anything spectacular about the piece, in fact it would be useless in battle, but clearly it meant a lot to Wrex. And the happiness of the crew obviously meant a lot to Shepard, so she didn't hesitate to run out there and get whatever it took. As soon as I mentioned that I never caught Dr. Saleon, she demanded to know why, and where the hell he was right now. And when I gave her the coordinates, she told me to suit up immediately. She was a woman of action, and I admired that in her.

She'd swing by Ashley, the fellow soldier. When we started this journey aboard the Normandy, word went around that the Gunnery-Chief had expressed concerns about Wrex and myself, namely, the access Shepard entitled us to, and our mere presence. However, Shepard, being so open minded about what the galaxy holds, reminded her that even the ship we all traveled in was a cooperative project between humans AND turians, and that the only way to defeat this enemy was to face it united. I understand the kogans' automatic disrtust in my species, and I guess I can understand it from the humans too. What they call the "First Contact War" was a terrifying time for them, and we all made mistakes. So I never begrudged Ashley for her distrust in me.

Then Shepard would come by my station, beside the Mako. She always asked me about C-Sec, and it seemed she would check up on my decision about leaving. But I like that she asked because over time, my answer became different. At first, I was upset about it. I thought that would be the one place, besides the Spectre's, where I could make a difference. But as Shepard took me all around the galaxy, hunting various enemies, rescuing anyone, and discovering dark secrets, it felt like my eyes were opening for the first time some days. She'd face any problem. Another quality I valued in her.

"Commander," I greeted as soon as she was within earshot of me, "Are you sure you're alright? That artifact on Eletania really knocked you out."

At my question, she straightened up, like she hadn't noticed how visible her condition was, and no one had asked her about it. That couldn't have been true. The humans would be able to read her expressions better than any other race aboard could, so a turian couldn't have been the only one to ask. She tucked her arms behind her back. "I'm fine, Vakarian." She said this sternly.

"I didn't mean to offend at all, Shepard," I ensured, "But, I don't know, I wasn't there when you blacked out on Eden Prime. I'm not desensitized to it like Alenko and Williams."

She allowed a small grin across her mouth, and her posture loosened up a little. "I'm sure that'll happen soon," she said humorously, "I tend to come across all the beacons in the galaxy, huh?"

At first I chuckled, not expecting a bit of joking from the commander. But then I realized exactly what she said. "It was a beacon?" And she seemed flustered for a moment, perhaps not intending to reveal that information. "Excuse me, Commander. I don't need to know, and I didn't mean to be intrusive."

She held up her hands. "No worries." She bit her bottom lip, glancing at the floor, or perhaps my feet. "It was strange. I thought the artifact exploded, it felt like I was knocked back a few feet. And then..." She licked her lips, "It was like I was living another life. Like a Cro Magnon human." She shook her head. "I experienced months of that life. It was warm when I first saw the bird- or the ship," she corrected, shaking her head. "The primitive mind had a hard time processing what it was seeing," she explained. "But the next time it appeared, it was winter. The Protheans were watching humans for a long time, tracking and recording them."

"Why?" I asked.

She shrugged, shaking her head again. "I don't have any answers. Just another vision from a perspective I could never hope to understand." After being given the Cypher, and having Liara help sort it out her for, she appeared to be a different woman, almost. Over time, she made more sense of her visions, seeing only more death and despair, presumably, but she didn't talk about it. It would be a lot for any one person. "But I'm fine. I appreciate the concern."

"Of course, Shepard," I nodded, attempting to imply my worry in the friendliest way. I was thankful for the journey she agreed to take me on, and I was grateful for the new friendship.

"Talk to you later, Garrus," she gave me a polite bow, "I wanted to give Tali a copy of the geth data we picked up on Solcrum."

"That information would be a valuable asset for the Flotilla," I remarked, slightly stunned. "You would still provide that in spite of what they could do with it to further destroy their people's situation?"

"While I don't agree with how they handled the geth, I believe they can turn this around for themselves," she explained. "And Tali has been an important member of this team since she joined. I believe I owe her something for her selflessness." She was about to take a step, but stopped, another thought occurring to her. "Sure, the geth have allied with Saren, but who really knows why, or if it was even mutual, and not forced." I blinked, considering her thought. "Look, I know my opinions can be pretty controversial, you wouldn't be the first to tell me. But just know that every decision I make bears the concern of every species in the galaxy." And I genuinely believed her. A human face isn't as familiar to decode, but her eyes were true and firm. I nodded, and she waved, making he way to the core to visit the quarian technician.


	6. Grounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 1,633

Shepard was sifting through her locker, but she didn't have a real goal, or a specific piece of equipment she was looking for. She was just trying to keep herself from breaking something - from losing it. The galaxy was probably less than a day from its doom, and she was grounded?! It was _bullshit!_

"Commander?" she heard from behind her. It was Garrus; his voice was extremely recognizable.

"Vakarian," she responded, still scouring the locker.

"Are you okay?" he asked, hesitantly. And if anyone else had asked her, she might've kept it together, but she'd grown to trust the turian, and had realized an actual friendship between the two of them. Their chemistry on the battlefield meant they spent an awful lot of time together, and unknown to either alien, a true bond had been formed.

Shepard had become comfortable enough to talk to him. Not just bark orders or ask questions, but admit her own feelings to him. She told him about some of the battles she usually avoided talking about. By that point, he knew more about her than her own mother had.

But being grounded meant she was basically off the clock, and no one else was around, and damn it, it was her ship and she could be upset if she wanted to. She turned and leaned back against the locker, letting herself slide down to land on her rear end. "No," she sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. She'd taken in so much information lately. She knew the truth about so many things she never thought possible. She knew the end was near, but the people in power wouldn't back her up. It had been a stressful couple of months. "I'm not."

He didn't say anything at first, slightly surprised to see her do that, to hear her admit that. She didn't like to show any weakness, made obvious by how she was often stiff, in posture and in conversation. She was never one to overshare. But she just let it go in that moment, and admitted she wasn't at her best.

Garrus felt wrong being that much taller than the commander, and knelt down in font of her to be more on her level. "You can tell me, Shepard." He hoped he didn't sound like he wanted to pry, and instead tried sounding like he wanted to help. She'd taken him all around the galaxy, showed him so much, helped him more than most people he'd ever known, listened and related with him. He considered her a friend, even if he wasn't sure how she'd categorize him.

"Isn't this just..ridiculous, Garrus?" she sighed, letting her head rest against the locker behind her, and letting her arms fall between her inward-bent legs. "From day one of all this shit, we've been waved off and been handed out responsibilities they think aren't important, only for them to completely dismiss the truth we bring to their eyes... The truth people have died for," she added, looking down at her boots. Garrus assumed she was thinking of the the Gunnery-Chief. He could see the pain behind her expression as she told Alenko she was coming back for him. And Garrus acted like he didn't notice the glisten of her watering eyes as she apologized to Williams. She shoved that emotion down, and Garrus hadn't seen her fight as fiercely as when Saren showed up.

She looked back up at him, the glistening returned, and he hadn't quite seen this expression on her face before. "We could be hours from extinction, Garrus." The turian blinked, looking down at her wringing hands. "And we'll probably die sitting here, forbidden to save the galaxy."

"Really?" Garrus finally spoke up, seeing the stress pull her shoulders down more with every word. "That doesn't seem like how the great  _Commander Shepard_  would kick the bucket."

She sniffed, and bit her bottom lip. "I know, right?" She looked at Garrus again, a small smile creeping across her face, but it didn't stick around. She scoffed. "God, I survived the attack on my colony. I kicked ass on Elysium. I've kicked ass all the way up to this point. But now I just... feel so useless. Powerless." She lightly wrapped her arms around herself. "Helpless. Feels like I'm a kid again. Back on Mindior."

"How did you survive that?" Garrus asked. "You were young and inexperienced."

She nodded. "Yeah, I was. My mother had me hide under the floor. Just a little crawlspace. We used it for storage, and..." she smiled, "..hide n' sneek." Her smile faded. "My brother was older, and had some training. He stayed with mom to help her fight. But she didn't have any training." She swallowed. "They told me to stay until it sounded safe. They covered the door with something and left. Eventually, I heard slavers above me, tearing the place apart. They never found me.

"Later on, I thought it was safe enough to make a run for the trees. If I could get in the treeline undetected, I could try getting to another colony, hopefully before they got ambushed. But I got caught." She rubbed her arms a little, and Garrus once again noticed the faded scars on her forearms.  He felt it wasn't his place to ask where they came from. "I got real close, but a batarian grabbed me from the darkness, and tried choking me to get me to keep quiet. But I have long arms. I scratched at his eyes until he let me go. Then the knife came out." She shook her head, like she was trying to rattle away the memories. "Maybe I'll spare you  _some_  of the details." And Garrus didn't mind because it seemed she needed to be spared the memory.

"I fought hard. The knife was eventually dropped. I grabbed it. And..." She met his eyes again. "I just..  _killed him_.." Garrus' mandibles twitched at the broken look just behind her face. "I was covered in blood. Mine. His," she shrugged. "And I was in shock because I'd just taken a life for the first time. I couldn't even comfort myself with the fact that he was trying to kill me. I just sat there, staring at him. When the Alliance finally noticed a loss of contact with Mindior, they sent a patrol to check on us, finding all that destruction. They found me at some point, just sitting there with the body. I was pretty messed up for a while."

"But you survived," Garrus said, standing up again. "Because you fought hard. You were brave. And you did what you had to." Shepard bit her lip again, eyes dancing around before they looked up and met his. "And now you're older, more experienced, and most importantly, you're not alone." He offered his hand to her. She let a small smile come back around, and allowed a little laugh through.

"You're right," she agreed, taking his hand. He pulled her to her feet, placing his other hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard," he said, "If I may be very honest with you..." She nodded. "It looks to me like you're the only person who can do this. Without you, there's no team. Without you, decisions aren't being made, especially the hard ones. Without you, Saren would have gotten away with all of this already. Tali could've died in that alley. I'd still be at C-Sec. Who knows what would have happened to Liara?"

"Where are you going with this?" Shepard asked, becoming more aware of his grip on her shoulder.

"I just very strongly feel that this is who and where you're supposed to be," Garrus stated firmly. He was so strong in his delivery because it was genuine. He really felt he was in the right place too. "And everything that happened to you was supposed to happen because it got you here. Because you're the only one who can do this."

Shepard blinked at his confident delivery, finding it difficult to deny his words. "You seem to have an awful lot of faith in me, Vakarian."

The turian looked at how closely he'd been holding the commander, and gently released her, taking a step back. "Call it a hunch," he shrugged. "But you've done a lot to earn my respect, Commander, and to assure me that you'll figure this out. No matter what, I'm with you."

Shepard felt a swell in her chest, as she smiled up at the turian. "That means a lot to me." She stared at him, seeing him a slightly different light. She considered him a friend already, but now... No one had ever really said that to her before. He had proven himself to be an incredibly loyal member of the squad, and had earned a spot in her private, personal circle, though nobody really knew about that. Every second he was by her side, she was confident he had her back. She knew Garrus would defend and protect her no matter where she lead them, and that made her want to protect  _him_. That swell in her chest continued, and a grin pulled at her lips again. "Taurus," she said. "That's my first na-"

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander," Joker called. "Got a message from Captain Anderson." Shepard straightened up.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"Said to meet him at Flux, that club down in the wards," Joker relayed. Shepard looked at Garrus again, happy to have enjoyed a moment with someone she could trust. She knew she was making a good choice seeking him out on the Citadel. If he hadn't been there to pick her up off the floor, she didn't know who would've.

"Well,  _Taurus_ ," he tested, "Better go." She smiled and gave him a nod.

"Suit up, Garrus."


End file.
